Paying the Price

Since moving to our condo, I have been trying to get a life instead of just being a bystander.  I am cooking a little, cleaning a little and trying to be as normal a person as I can.  As you can guess, it is taking a toll on my body.

Although I try to do things a little at a time, it still seems to cause me a lot of pain and hardship.  I thought I was resting between chores and taking it easy.  Obviously I do not have the combination worked out yet.

I have also noticed that as I get really tired I am having some fairly new symptoms.  The less I sleep, the worse my slurring is.  Sometimes it is so bad I can’t even understand myself!  Other times I just have to talk really slow to be understand and have the time to try and form my words so others will know what I am saying.  I don’t recall having this problem much before.  It is getting to be a frequent visitor lately.

My feet are dragging more than usual also.  Since the condo has wall to wall carpet, I have to really be careful to pick my feet up and not trip.  One thing that seems to help is going barefoot.  In our old house, most of the floors were the original hardwood and had become scarred and battered over the years.  We had stopped going through the house without shoes since getting some really nasty splinters in our feet.  It is rather refreshing to get to go without shoes for a change.  I hate that part of the reason is to try and help not fall.

Did I mention my back kills me when I stand very long?  I guess it is from constantly trying to balance as I cook and clean.  Several friends have mentioned having this problem.  I tried wearing a back brace some but it did not seem to help.  We try to keep an ample supply of pain cream on hand for these times.  I have gotten used to smelling like a medicine cabinet.  My legs are also hurting a lot more and have to be rubbed down each night with the “smelly stuff” for me to be able to be still enough to rest or sleep. 

Many MS sites are filled with menu and exercise suggestions.  Between the Crohn’s and MS food restrictions, I have decided to just eat what my stomach will handle and not worry about the rest.  If I stuck with a combination of the two, I would not be eating anything anyway….or at least not eating anything worth eating!  For most of us with MS, much in the way of exercise is taboo.  When I was taking physical therapy, it would take me days to get over a session and did not seem worth it.  Some MSers have wonderful workout sessions and I am so happy for them.  Most of us are not that fortunate.  As with many other things, it is not worth the price I pay to try and do it.

I remember when I was getting toward my late 40’s-early 50’s. I could hardly wait to get to retirement age and not have to go to work. When retired, I would be able to have a little more freedom with what my day would be like.  As with many other things in life, you have to watch what you wish for.  More times than not, it does not turn out the way you thought it would.

I am trying to learn to make better use of my time and get things done without hurting myself so much.  I am thinking that if I have to pay the price, I wish it could at least be as admission into Disney World!!