I am quite certain that I could have been a poster child for the effects of stress with MS the last couple of weeks. Going through all the emotions, both ours and hers, of putting Mother in a rest home has caused a lot of problems with my MS.
I had three “spells” last week. I guess some would call them seizures. We don’t really know what to call them so spells seems like a good term. During these times, I lose track of time and do not know what is going on around me. In my mind it seems like I am bending backwards and that I am pulling so hard that my back will break. Howard says that I am actually pulling forward almost into a ball and clenching my hands so tightly he cannot get them open. It is quite painful and leaves me drained and sore when I come out of it. These spells usually only last a few minutes, but it seems like hours to me. Funny how the mind works.
Another thing I have had a problem with is crying. I have written several blogs on PBA, but have never experienced it quite this severe before. I have had crying spells before when nothing was happening to cry about. These crying spells have awakened me many times. But this week, I have been in an almost constant state of crying.
I realized that this would be an emotional time. As much as it was a relief for us to know that Mother would not be here but would be taken care of, it was still sad in many ways. I know that a lot of my crying was mixed emotions about whether we were doing the right thing or not. But crying while cleaning Hadji’s cage (our bird), using the bathroom, taking a shower, etc., just is not normal. It is also frustrating to bust out crying while trying to have a conversation.
Howard thinks that a lot of my problems with crying and having spells were caused by all the stress we were under. I agree. Although for the 10 years we have been with Mother we stayed under a lot of stress and I often paid for it with MS complications, it was not this intense. Stress is a really strong key to kick in MS problems.
There were several days during this transition that I was so fatigued I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I was having a lot of problems with foot-drop on my right side. Although I needed to be helping Mother sort and pack her things for the move, I was barely able to move myself and keep going. I had to rest a lot during these times and felt very incompetent.
I am still feeling the after effects of the spells. I feel like a Mac truck hit me and I am so very tired. I am hoping that after a week or two of getting settled down and back to a routine it will get better. I am sure that I will calm down in time.
Although my stress level has been over the top lately and my MS is trying its best to put me on my back, I am still thankful that Mother will be safe and looked after like she should be……………..and I can’t lie about it………….it will be nice to have a home of our own and do what we want to when we want to…..after 10 years I don’t think that is asking too much………do you??!!!!