Monday, August 12, 2013

Blank Page Blues

I have been really trying hard to resume writing, both this blog and a couple of stories/books that are running through my thoughts.  Unfortunately, both of these are doing just that…………running around in my brain but not getting organized enough to put on paper.

Several people, including my husband, have asked when I am going to post to my blog.  I have had to tell them that I had no idea when that would be.  It is really frustrating to get all geared up to write and only a blank page looks back at you.  Most people have call this writer’s block.  I call it blank brain.

I seem to have a lot of blank brain days lately.  Howard says it is because we have so much “on our plates” lately.  Getting all of Mother’s medical and financial needs in order is becoming quite a challenge.  What seemed so easy has turned out to be a lot of rearranging finances and setting up new accounts.  There is so much to do to get so little accomplished.  From working in the field of law for so many years, I should not be surprised.

Having to adjust accounts for Mother has led to having to adjust accounts for us.  If Social Security, insurance companies, etc could just help you in a speedy manner, things would not be so hard.  Instead, they drag their feet until you wonder if anything is being accomplished for all the hard work you are putting into the matter.  No wonder companies say they are so backlogged…………….they can’t manage doing today’s business for goofing around wondering what new color their carpet should be!  Sorry, just letting off a little steam…………………

I guess all these things would not seem so much if my brain was working normally.  It is not even working abnormally some days.  Most days, it is just not working at all.

An example of this:  I have gotten addicted to crocheting pocketbooks.  I plan to give them for Christmas gifts.  Each one is a little different because I am not going by a pattern and often decide to change this or that so it will not be like the last one I made.  I am coming along OK and should have enough made by the time Christmas is near to really help with our gift-giving.  The problem I have been faced with several times when I was in the crochet mood is this:  I am crocheting along and suddenly forget how to do it.  I turn my work to start the next row and have no clue how to go about doing it.  I get so angry and frustrated when this happens.  Not angry at the world, just angry at myself……..or rather the MS part of myself.

I am realizing that now that I have some extra time to spend on projects that I have not had the chance to do in quite a few years, that I may not be capable of doing them.  It often makes me run the gamut   between laughing and crying.  I cry for the loss of “myself” and laugh because it upsets me so.  After all of this, I am drained and go on to something else.

Speaking of something else, I hope I never get in that dark place I have been before and don’t remember how many “something else” things there are to do.  I am so excited about all the things there are that we can do now that we have our own time to do them.  I don’t want to be one of those people who have the whole world at their fingertips and can only see their thumbs.  What a shameful waste of life that would be.  Don’t you agree?!!


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