Missing Things

Funny how much you can miss something.

Over the years, I have come to miss my brain.  One of my biggest joys at one time was being presented a problem and search to find the solution.  The joy was not in the solution but in the search.  Research, exploration and testing were things I enjoyed and things I was good at doing.  Finding solutions to problems was something I was very proud of being able to do.  I fear more and more each day that I am no longer a person with that ability.

I am also missing more and more of my physical abilities.  At one time in my life, I worked two jobs with no problem.  At another time I often worked up to eighteen hours a day without missing a beat.  When I was awake I was able to go as long as I needed to.  When I was asleep I would rest and wake refreshed.  Now, sleep is hard to come by and when I do sleep, it does not give me the rest I need.  My energy level is minimal at best.

Reading has been one of my passions since I first learned how to read.  I have spent countless hours losing myself in the wonders of the printed page.  There are few things that bring me the peace and contentment that reading a good book does.  I am slowly but surely losing my eyesight.  My eyes get so tired from trying to read through blurry eyes.  I rarely try to read very much now.

It is so easy to get discouraged from all the things MS is robbing from me.  I recently had another.  The bones that hold my teeth in my mouth are deteriorating. Although I have had several root canals and crowns, the part of the tooth that they are attached to are beginning to let go and become decayed.  I lost two jaw teeth some time ago.  I adjusted to that and it was not noticeable that they were gone.  When I lost one of my front teeth, I knew something would have to be done about this.

I don’t think I have had too much trouble adjusting to change over the years.  As each year has passed since MS began to take over my life, I have had to make changes from my normal routine.  This tooth problem was just another such change.  My dentist suggested I have these tooth bases pulled and for me to get fitted for a partial.  After some consideration my husband and I agreed that this seemed like the best solution to the problem.  The teeth were pulled and the finished partial was put into my mouth.

It is really strange to have something in my mouth besides teeth and a tongue.  This foreign object takes some getting used to.  I think I am doing pretty well with this newest part of my mouth.  I am eating most foods and learning the fine art of brushing “my” teeth as well as my adopted teeth.  All in all it has worked out well so far.

I still miss a lot of things that I once had the use of and took for granted.  I hope I am adjusting to this and not whining and complaining too much.  After all, most changes are supposed to be good.  Living our lives in the past and crying for our losses only makes us miss all the joys of our lives in the present.  And, with my newest adjustment, it is so much nicer to smile without a gap showing where a tooth should be!