Tuesday, May 21, 2013

From The Brain To The ?????

I hate talking in slow motion.  By the time I get part of a thought out of my mouth, the rest of the thought is forgotten.  Very frustrating!! I have had many people tell me they have the same problem.  That forgetting thoughts is just a part of getting older.  I know that it is.  I have a lot of back pain when I stand for any length of time.  I know that others do also.  I have a terrible time with my legs.  I know that others have this also.  My face feels like someone is sticking it with pins most of the time and my jaw feels displaced.  I know other experience this too.  The list goes on and on and I know that others have these problems also.  What they don’t seem to understand, though, is that even though they have this or that problem, those of us with MS have ALL of them at any given time.

I know that MS is hard to understand if you are not going through it.  It is even hard for others who are around someone with MS all the time.  It is hard for those of us with MS to even begin to try and explain all the things happening in our bodies to someone.  It sounds really whiny and complaining when I think about it myself.  I hate to sound that way to others.

But when almost every part of your body is protesting what you are trying to do it is hard to remain positive 24/7.  Sometimes it is nice just to sink into yourself and have a pity party.  I know………most psychiatrists and doctors say that this is not the way to handle things.  But most of them do not have this dreaded disease and do not understand it even though they are trying to treat it.  Most of them are doing the best that they know how to do, but they fail in that they rarely listen to the ones that have what they are treating and are experiencing the problems.  I still find it funny (sic) that most doctors who treat MS only pay attention to what is written in their little doctor books and not to the people who actually have it.  So very strange……..

My disability healthcare coverage kicks in the 1st of July.  That is what is on my mind and what made me think of these things.  I am trying to sort out in my mind the doctors that I want to see.  Most of them I could not afford to visit before.  Most of them did not seem to know what to do about some of the problems I have.  (It seems like) Most of them did not care.

Yep, I am whining today.  I really want to get back into life as much as possible.  There are things happening that I want to be a part of.  I would like to feel like I can be around others without always thinking that I might knock over something, fall into something or hamper things that others may have wanted to do.  I know that a lot of my problems are ME trying to deal with ME not OTHERS trying to deal with ME.  That is another thing I need to sort out in my brain.

It would be nice one day to feel my right leg when I shave it.  It has been a long time since I have felt this.  It would be nice to take a pill and something really work as it is supposed to.  It would be nice if what I was telling my brain actually happened instead of it just sending the thought to a random area of its choice.  I guess we just have to learn to enjoy being surprised when we think “move my right arm” and our left leg jumps………….oh well……… J



Muffie said...

Oh, Janie, I'm so sorry you're in a funk, but I know how you feel. I hope the clouds soon part, and you can see the sun.

Janie said...

It has passed.......I am grateful that I can kick back into "normal" most of the time instead of living in a hole......thanks for the support! :)