I always loved the fair. The games, rides, food, lights and people made it such a special adventure when I was young. It was such a treat and one that only happened often enough to keep it exciting and different from normal activities.
Sometimes I think of MS as going to the Fair and riding the roller coaster. There are so many ups and downs we go through each day. Some days I get up and can hardly move, but by the afternoon, I am getting around pretty good. Some days I get up feeling pretty good, but spend the afternoon in the recliner barely able to move. I guess that is why it is so hard for people who are not afflicted with this Monster to understand……….it is never the same.
On days that I feel pretty good, my mind wants to think that maybe it is a mistake to think I have MS and I need to try and get on with my life. Unfortunately, things don’t stay that way. About the time I am really getting into this idea, it hits me between the eyes! My legs start wobbling and hurting, my tongue gets thick and I can’t speak well, and my brain turns to mush. To say it is a letdown is to put it VERY mildly.
I guess that’s one of the reasons why so many people with MS have problems with depression. About the time you try and get used to one problem, another jumps up and hits you. This roller coaster of pain and emotions is hard to deal with.
I have had periods of time when certain symptoms stay with me. After a while you kind of expect them to be there and learn to deal with them. This settles the mind and gives the body a chance to learn how to cope. When the symptoms change, it is hard to adjust and causes us to often go into depression. If you think about it, it makes sense this would happen.
I was raised in a family where most of them thought that people who had mental problems were weak. They believed that these people had not been taught to face life and would never amount to anything because they let things upset them too easily. Having MS, I know this is not true.
It is true that some people give into their problems too easily and get “all bent out of shape” over nothing. This is not the problem with MS patients. Most of us with MS have a multitude of problems we deal with every day, from walking to talking to thinking to whatever it decides to throw at us. In this case, getting depressed has nothing to do with weakness………we are some of the strongest people I know! Although we are often knocked down by the Monster, we never give up the fight and keep holding each other up even if we have to do it lying down!
I would love to go to a Fair again while I can still walk. Maybe eat a Funnel Cake, popcorn and a big drink. I would like to try some of the games, too. I think I’ll stay away from the roller coaster, though…..the one I am on every day is quite enough for me!!! J