Where She Stops, No Body Knows

Did you ever go to the circus when you were young?  If you did, or even saw one on TV, I bet you remember the lady on the spinning wheel that had knives thrown at her.  Not even in my wildest dreams could I imagine being brave enough for that!

My husband’s mother was that girl in the Dodson’s World Fair circus, which was later part of Ringing Brothers.  She never got hurt while performing and used to tell wonderful tales of the people she met while a part of the circus family.

I think of MS as that wheel going around and around.  Each slot on the wheel has a symptom on it.  As the wheel spins, we are put on it and wonder which symptom we will land on. 

Most of the time, the wheel keeps spinning all day and we are moved around to different areas, each being a new symptom or repeat of one we have had before.  Each day may bring something new for us to endure, or a renewal of our everyday problems.

Most of us get really irritated when those around us cannot “get it”.  I know…….. I am one of those people.   I try to keep calm when friends and family look at me like I am a lazy idiot when I tell them I am too exhausted to do something, and have not done anything.  (I do not include my husband in this group…..if you have read earlier posts, you will know that he is very understanding and supportive of me and all of our MS family.)

Honestly, I can understand how most people without MS must think of us.  We “look fine” and sometimes have days where we can lead an almost normal life.  Other days, we can hardly move from the chair to the sofa.  It has to be confusing for an outsider.  It is confusing for US!

Sometimes when I am reading things others write about their MS experience, I notice that they almost always want their symptoms to settle down and stay the same.  If they knew what they were facing each day, they could probably handle it better.  I agree, but disagree, with that.

There are days when the fatigue almost eats me up.  I can’t move, think, or hardly breathe.  Other days, the fatigue is not as bad, but the brain is not working.  Still other days, the fatigue is not too bad and the brain works, but I can’t hold on to anything.  These are just a few of the examples of problems with MS, but you get the picture.

If I honestly had to choose which one I wanted all the time, I would be at a loss to do so.  Each of them possesses a real problem with getting through the day.  Each one causes stress and anxiety that make it hard to deal with the things we want to do each day.  Each one has a drawback.

As it is, the only wheel that goes round and round that would be fun is the one at Vegas.  But it would only be fun if you were winning!!! ;)