When I was young, one of my cousins lived next to the schoolyard. We would go over and play on the monkey bars, slides, teeter-totter and such. Most of the time, we had the whole place to ourselves. It was a wonderful time.
I have always been afraid of heights. We would climb up the slide and it was everything I could do to let go and slide down. We would climb up the monkey bars and hang by our arms and swing. I would only be about a foot off the ground, but it took all my courage to let go and fall to the ground. The teeter-totter and merry-go-round were a piece of cake!
Learning to ride a bike was a challenge. All the other kids were riding along and I was still dragging my feet and balancing that way. It was hard to let go of that safety net and learn to ride on my own.
When I was older and my kids starting trying to walk, it was hard to let go and allow them to learn. I hated them tumbling over, although they usually did not get hurt. They were ready to walk, but I was still holding on.
Now that I am older, it is still hard to let go. Most of us have spent most of our lives dreaming about the things we want to do and how we want our lives be as we grow older. I had great dreams of spending my senior years sitting out on the patio, reading a book and drinking coffee. Traveling around the country and seeing new things was also high on my list of things to do. Making crafts, crocheting and generally enjoying life was the way I saw my older years.
Now that MS has taken a lot of my mobility, thought process and ability to perform simple tasks with my hands, my priorities have had to change. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe I had too high of a “me” goal without thinking it through.
A lot of my time is spent on the computer. I can type at my own pace. I can look things up and study them at my own pace. Although it is not the pace I would choose, it is still enjoyable and I get a lot of pleasure from it.
I have “met” so many wonderful “friends” on the MS sites, Facebook and referrals from other friends. My world has really opened up more than I had ever dreamed it could. I think I am finally ready to “Let Go” of my old dreams and start dreaming some new ones! J