Frustration, Inc

I finally have an appointment with a new neurologist. It is in January of next year and I am so excited about it. A lady in my local MS chapter recommended him and I am hoping that he will be the doctor I have been looking for.

 

When I talked with his office while making the appointment, the office manager asked me to mail all the copies of medical reports and procedures that I have had. I told her I would get them together and mail them to her as soon as possible. Therein lies my latest problem.

 

For over a dozen years, I kept up with files and proceedings for 327 Family Court clients at the law firm where I was working as their domestic paralegal. If you have ever had any type of court dealings, you know that there is endless paperwork to keep up with. I never lost any files and always had my pleadings prepared on time. I was organized and knew where everything I needed was located.

 

Having filed for disability, I have copies of medical records of all types covering the last half dozen years. I pulled all of them out of the various places I had put them and just looked at them. I had no idea where to start in getting them organized. My mind was blank and I felt so flustered and inadequate for the job. It is a feeling I have had a lot lately. Not only are my papers disorganized but my life in general has become so. Even the notes I take to try and keep up with everyday matters are scattered and not organized. This is so totally unlike me.

 

It is hard to stay organized when one's brain is so disorganized. There are days that go smoothly and days where nothing does. Some days I can get my thoughts in order and other days I have a problem remembering my own name. Some may not believe that, but I have had a few instances when I had to really think how to spell my own name. I have had times I could not remember my telephone number or address. This, to say the least, is very frustrating and scary.

 

It took me a couple of hours to decide that I needed to put everything relating to each doctor together, all medical procedures together, my psychiatrist's notes together and my physical therapist's notes together. This may sound like a DUH moment, but it was hard to get to that conclusion. The more I looked at all those papers the more nervous and lost I felt. So far, I have quite a few piles of sorted material. I felt really proud to get that far in the process. I realize that it is only a baby step in the process but I am happy with it.

 

I am always amazed at how many people do not understand how much MS affects our mental cognition. Sometimes I feel like I am becoming mentally impaired or in the early stages of dementia. Every little thing seems to overwhelm me.  I know that part of this is the fact I am getting older.  With MS, it just seems to happen all at once.

 

I have decided that it is good that winter is on the way and I will have much more time to get organized.  Not that I was out in the hot days of summer very much, but it is so nice to look out the window at snow (if we get some!) and do simple tasks that otherwise might not get done.  I am going to get my papers together and put them in order.  I am going to rearrange my books into a semblance of order so I can find the one I am looking for.  I am going to get my recipes organized instead of all jumbled together.  I am going to…………take a nap and worry about this tomorrow!