I am trying to pass time while waiting on my football game to start. (By the way, my team won! Go Packers! :) Thinking about waiting for something to happen makes me think about all the times most of us wait for our pain medicine to kick in, a cure to be found, or thoughts to assemble themselves in our brains.
Sometimes I feel like I spend a lot of time looking back to things I used to do and dreaming of things I want to do. Most of us have accomplished things in our lives that we are proud of. Maybe we haven't been able to make our dreams come true, but we have times that we remember with pride. I look back and realize that I have accomplished several things that I really wanted to do. I gave birth to three wonderful children. I love my fantastic husband and he loves me. I had a very interesting career as a paralegal. I wrote two books and have them on my bookshelf. I have some friends that I am so thankful to have as part of my life. All in all, I have had a good life.
But, all of my accomplishments seem to be in the past. I am not presently working and my brain seems very often to go on vacation. I have several stories/books I am trying to finish and that does not help me do so. I have so many days when I just don’t have the energy to move. These seem to be the days that I really want to cook and clean and just can’t. I feel like I am constantly at the past and hoping that it will find its way into the present. It is a fruitless endeavor so I think I will stop doing it.
Although I can't do most of the things I once did, I can still function and make a contribution to our household. My husband is constantly getting me involved in activities that we can do together. Most of my family is wonderful and understanding of my condition. I really cannot complain although I seem to want to do so lately!
I remember when I used to go on trips when I was young and look out the back window of the car. (This was in the years before seatbelts were mandatory.) It was always interesting to see the things we were leaving behind and getting excited about going to a different place. I am going to take that attitude about my life.
As the old saying goes, life is what you make it. I am really beginning to understand that phrase. It is easy to get bogged down in our problems and miss all the wonderful things around us. (Stop and smell the roses?) It took a lot of years to get to the age I am and I really should enjoy them. I am sure there will be far less ahead than there are behind. I don’t want to miss out on all the fun that I could be having if I would only let myself. Besides, I have a spoiled brat dog that watches my back for me so I don’t need to!