Depression is a strange thing. You can be going along just enjoying the day and boom………it hits you like a ton of bricks. You aren’t really sure where it comes from or how to get rid of it; it just moves into your life for a while and tries to stay.
I have noticed that I get depressed more as my fatigue, walking and pain get worse. Not that I haven’t had it before. I think everyone, if they are honest, has had bouts with depression at some point in their lives. We all hit those times when life seems just a little more than we can handle and we give in to periods of “pitiful little me”.
I try to read and keep up with all the news on MS that I can and one of the problems associated with the disease is depression. It is hard not to be when you realize that your life is changing dramatically and there is no turning back. It is not like gaining a few pounds, going on a diet, and reverting back to where you were. There is no “diet” that will fix this.
In my mind, I have a filing cabinet. In the cabinet are folders. Each folder has a name or problem on it that I keep filed, such as trouble concentrating. Every now and then, I sit down on my pity pot and pull out one of those folders. I read it, study it, and really get into feeling sorry for myself. Fortunately, it gets old quickly and I file it back, get off the pot, and flush all that pity down the drain.
For now, I can do that. Some files take longer to “flush” than others and I don’t know how long I can just put them away at some point and let them go. There may come a time when they get so overwhelming that I will need help to let them go. I hope not, but don’t feel I am above doing so if necessary.
Until then, I prefer to have lilac days to blue ones and will flush as often as necessary!
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