Monday, February 21, 2011

I Want to Know................. but Don’t Tell Me!

I go back to my neurologist today.  It always gives me a  bittersweet feeling to visit him.
I had another MRI and he will give me the latest update on how he feels my condition is progressing.  It is one of those things where you want to know, but really don’t.  Know what I mean?
I’ve had the MRIs, spinal taps, reflex tests, etc, and wonder what else they can come up with to see if they can gather any more knowledge about my individual condition.  It is a scary prospect.  If you have never had a spinal tap, I would not recommend it.  Having an MRI makes me think about being shut in a time capsule and wondering when they are going to bury it.  It is not overly pleasant either.
I guess, all in all, I have no reason to complain.  There are so many people who are going through things that I cannot imagine being able to deal with.  Although MS is a constantly changing, ongoing disease, it is much easier to deal with than many other diseases.  I am grateful for this.
I do not, in any way, consider myself strong and able to withstand great amounts of pain.  MS IS painful at times, often to the point of wondering if you will pass out.  But it is not usually a constantly painful condition that is unbearable.  For the most part, the pain comes and goes and you get a little break in between.  The uncertainty and fatigue is the worst and plays on your nerves and mental condition.  Most of us have to be strong minded and have a lot of back up support from family and friends.  I have this support and it makes all the difference in the world.
So, I guess I will go in today, listen to what he says, and take it with a grain of salt.  I will face what I need to with all the strength I can muster, and lean heavily on my sweet husband and friends.  I also know that God is forever with me and will carry me when I falter…………what more could I ask for??!!!!!!!! J

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