Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Lesser Of Two Evils

My back is really hurting lately.  It either is streaking with pains or on fire.  Neither is good and I would hate to have to choose which one to be stuck with.

A while back the doctor prescribed Cymbalta for me to try and help with the pain.  As I wrote in an earlier blog, it put me in a fog all day and I just did not want to live my life that way.  Unfortunately, now that it has gotten out of my system, the pain has returned full blast.

I try not to be a whiner, but my husband says he can see in my face when I am hurting.  I don’t know how to hide this.  I hate for him to worry about me and feel that he has to do everything, which he basically does anyway.  I know many of you have this problem also.

I see so many sad, pitiful people in the rest home when visiting my aunt.  Many of them have no one who cares about them.  Many have outlived their family and friends so there is no one to come visit them.  They sit in their rooms or out on the porch and daydream.  Daydreams are nice for the most part, but not when that is all you have.

There are times that I wonder if pain is all that we have to look forward to………..if our lives will be like those poor souls who have nothing happy in their lives and have that forlorn look on their faces every day.  That is one of the reasons I write this blog.  If no one read it but me and my husband, it is good therapy for me and my husband says that I say things in it that help him better understand the things I go through each day. 

I try to explain things in a way that someone who does not have MS can get a better understanding of what we feel each day and the struggles we have.  I know that my husband is loving and understanding, but there is no way that he can feel what I am feeling and know exactly what I go through to make it through each day.

I also try to get those inner little “pity me” feelings out of the way and this blog is a good therapy for me.  I can moan and complain, but I really like to try and have some humor in it and end with an upbeat attitude.  I hope this is how it comes out to anyone who reads it.

Maybe it is just one of those blue days………..I am having a hard time trying to find something good to say…….some days are just that way……….I do feel that the pain is better than being “stoned” all the time………I always thought of myself as a hippy child……most hippy children liked being stoned………maybe I’m not as much hippy as I originally thought??!!!


Muffie said...

I was never a hippie, but I liked being a 'flower child' -- so much cleaner! I'm sorry you're in pain. My MS rarely causes pain, and when I read about how it affects others, I feel bad. Would medical marijuana help? (Talk about hippies!) I never had it so I'm not sure if that, too, would leave you in a fog. Isn't there anything your doctor can give you that won't leave you loopy? I hope you feel better soon.

Janie said...

I guess I was more the flower child also......not into drugs and stuff.....maybe that is why I have such a problem with them now??!! I read where a lot of people are using medical marj.....they have it in liquid form now.....I bet it doesn't make one as loopy as the other stuff does!!